Rachel Kolisi on Falling Forward, finding strength differently and beginning again.
Wrapping up this year’s Falling Forward Roadshow in Gqeberha, Rachel Kolisi spared us a moment to chat about the journey, what she had learnt along the way and what she hoped people would take from the conversations held in each city. Of course, we were not going to let that opportunity pass.
With Gqeberha being the final stop, we were particularly interested in what the roadshow had taught Rachel herself. After all, when you take such a personal story beyond the pages of a book and into rooms where a documentary screening is followed by an open Q&A, the experience becomes more than simply telling your story. It creates space for other people to bring their own experiences into the conversation too.
And for Rachel, it had. “Every city has reminded me that this is no longer only my story,” she told us. “Falling Forward is becoming a community where women can connect through our shared experiences, support one another and realise that none of us has to navigate difficult seasons alone.”
Some women had approached her to say they felt seen through her story. Others told her that hearing it gave them the courage to finally speak about things they had quietly carried for some time. That alone said something about what the Falling Forward Roadshow experience had become.
But before the roadshow and the conversations that followed each screening, there was Rachel having to sit with her own story. Writing Falling Forward meant looking back at different periods of her life and, in some cases, understanding them differently. Rachel said she found herself having more compassion for the younger versions of herself, recognizing that at the time she was simply doing the best she could with what she knew.
“That understanding has brought a lot of healing,” she said. It had also changed how she thought about strength.
A decade ago, Rachel believed being strong meant holding everything together and carrying on, regardless of how difficult things became. Now, she sees it differently.
“Strength also means being honest when you are struggling, asking for help, setting boundaries and allowing yourself time to heal,” she said. “Strength is not pretending that you are unaffected; it is choosing to keep moving forward with courage and grace.”
Rachel Kolisi on Falling Forward, finding strength differently and beginning again.
That understanding becomes even more interesting when you consider just how publicly parts of Rachel’s life have unfolded. There have been opinions, praise, criticism and expectations from people who, as Rachel pointed out, could only ever know part of the story.
She said the experience had taught her the importance of knowing who she was away from all of that.
“Praise and criticism can both become dangerous if you allow either to define you,” Rachel said. “People will form opinions based on what they see, but they will never have the full picture.”
She had learnt instead to remain grounded in her faith, her values and the voices of those who genuinely knew and loved her.
So, who was Rachel when those opinions and the different titles attached to her name were stripped away? She didn't answer that by presenting a finished version of herself. “Rachel today is someone who is still learning and becoming,” she said.
Writing the book had helped her understand that her identity could not be built only around the roles she carried or how other people saw her. She had given herself permission to grow, change and continue discovering different parts of who she was.
Of course, writing honestly about your life also raises another question - how much is enough?
Rachel worked with Zibu Sithole on the memoir and said the process required a great deal of care and discernment. There was room to be vulnerable, but also an understanding that being honest did not mean handing every part of yourself to the public. “Some parts of our lives belong to us and the people closest to us,” she said.
Among those closest to Rachel are, of course, her children, who may one day read Falling Forward with a very different understanding of the woman behind the word “Mom”.
We asked what she hoped they would take from her story when they are older, Rachel said, “I hope they understand that their mother was human. I did not always have all the answers, but I tried to meet difficult seasons with faith, honesty and courage.”
She added, “More than anything, I hope they learn that vulnerability is not weakness, that healing takes time and that we can choose to live with hope even after life has not gone according to plan.”
And then there is Gqeberha. As the final stop approaches, Rachel knows that the people walking into the room will arrive with their own stories. The Falling Forward Roadshow will bring together the documentary screening, reflections from the book and a Q&A that opens the conversation to those in the room. Some may be dealing with loss, relationship difficulties, financial pressure, motherhood, fear, or simply trying to find themselves again.
Her hope for them is quite simple. “I hope every woman leaves believing that beginning again is possible,” she said. “Your hardest season does not have to become your identity, and you do not need to have everything figured out before taking the next step.”
After our conversation, one message stayed with us as Rachel prepares for the final stop in Gqeberha, “There is no shame in falling. What matters is that, when you are ready, you allow yourself to move forward, even if it happens slowly.”
So, Gqeberha, expect more than a conversation about a book. The Falling Forward Roadshow experience brings Rachel’s story to the screen before opening the room for an honest Q&A and conversations about life not always going according to plan, asking for help, setting boundaries, healing, starting again and finding the courage to move forward at your own pace.
The evening will be an opportunity for real conversations about life not always going according to plan, about asking for help, setting boundaries, healing, starting again and finding the courage to move forward at your own pace.
Whether you have already read Falling Forward or are only beginning to discover Rachel’s story, there may just be something from the documentary, Rachel’s reflections or the conversations in that room that you can take away, reflect on and apply to your own journey going forward.
For more, visit: https://rachelkolisi.com/
Comments